Thursday, October 29, 2009

Theology of Sexuality (Sex Series: Week 1)


KNU International English Church

Josh Broward

November 1, 2009



Sometimes people ask me why we are doing a sermon series on sex. One of my pastor friends was completely shocked when I told him. It’s dangerous and difficult to talk about sex so publicly. People might get offended. I might say something wrong. This is a hard topic to talk about, so why are we doing it.

Well, sexuality is an essential part of our humanity. We might avoid talking about our sexuality, but we can’t avoid our sexuality. It is always with us because it is part of our humanness.

Also, sex has deep spiritual and theological implications. We’ll talk about that more today.

And, we’re talking about sex simply because it is dangerous and difficult to talk about. We shouldn’t take the easy way out. We should run into the most difficult, most dangerous topics and address them directly. We should live in the storm of life because it doesn’t stop storming just because we talk about nice things.


To be honest, it was kind of hard to get this series started. I couldn’t find any jokes that wouldn’t get me fired. I didn’t even try to find any videos that were … appropriate. And Sarah made me promise not tell any personal stories.

The way some Christians talk about sex, one wonders how Christians ever have children. Sometimes, Christians have said some pretty bad things about sex. So we’ll start by talking about some of the negative views on sex that Christians have held or taught. You shout them out, and we’ll write them down. ….

[I’ll let them give as many as possible, and then I’ll add the rest from my list – but don’t include this in the printed text.]

  • Sex is dirty or bad.

    • Sex is only for procreation.

  • Sex is a necessary evil.

  • Sex is just a wife’s duty to her husband.

    • If a person gets pleasure out of sex, s/he is bad.

    • God hates homosexuals.

    • We should be ashamed of our bodies and our sexuality.

    • The woman’s duty is to submit to her husband whenever he wants it.

    • No contraceptives; any “unnatural” birth control measures are wrong.

    • The “Virgin” Mary (Supposedly she never had sex even after Jesus was born because that would “defile” her. Jesus’ brothers were supposedly half-brothers from Joseph’s previous marriage.)

    • Jesus was supposedly born by supernatural C-section, so that he would not have to pass through Mary’s sexual organs, and so that all the parts of virginity would still be in place for Mary.


[Put a big red “X” over the board.] I am delighted to tell you that this is not the Christian perspective on sex.

The Bible begins with sexuality. The story of creation holds the roots of human sexuality. Let’s read parts of Genesis chapters 1 and 2. (Genesis 1:1-5, 26-31; 2:4-7, 18-25).

The first most basic truth for us to realize here is that God created us as sexual beings. (To which I say, “Thank God!”) God created us as male and female. We have male or female DNA and male or female body parts. Everything we do in the world is as a male or a female. Our sexuality is basic to who we are.

Second, we are more than sexual beings. (To which I say, “Thank God!”) Adam was still a human being before Eve was made. One of the most famous romantic movie lines is, “You complete me.” It sounds great, but it just isn’t true. No human being can complete another. Adam and Eve made life better for each other. They helped each other, but they didn’t complete each other. Adam was a full and complete human being before Eve came along. You are complete whether you are married or single. Our identity, our worth, and our sense of meaning as people are not limited to our sexuality. We can be whole people with or without a satisfying sex life.

Third – and this is huge! – our sexuality is good. God was not surprised when the first humans had sex! He wasn’t like, “Oh no! Those evil people! He’s putting that there?!! What will they think of next?” God planned sex all along. He shaped and designed our bodies. He designed male and female to fit together perfectly.

On the third day, after making land and plants, “God saw that it was good” (Genesis 1:12). On the fourth day, after making the sun, the moon, and the stars, “God saw that it was good” (1:18). On the fifth day, after making fish and birds, “God saw that it was good” (1:21). Half way through the sixth day, after making animals, “God saw that it was good” (1:25). Then, after making human beings with all of our sexuality as males and females, “God looked over all that he had made, and he saw that it was very good” (1:31). Our sexuality is very good.

“Then God blessed them and said, ‘Be fruitful and multiply” (1:28). I love that line. God blessed them and said, “Go have sex!” I’m telling you guys - you’ve got to start reading the Bible with your wives. “Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame” (2:25). They were having sex and were comfortable with their bodies, and it was very good. Sex is good. The Bible says so.

OK, here’s a point that we often miss: Our sexuality is rooted in God’s internal differences. “So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them” (Genesis 1:27). It seems like there was just too much of God to make just men or just women. We need both. We need people with complimentary differences to represent God to the world.

God is not a man. God is not male. In English, we use the word “He” for God, but that’s really just because we don’t have a better word. God is above male and female, but we aren’t. Somehow, we require both males and females to represent God.

Maybe that is because God is Trinity. Have you ever noticed that some of the language of the Trinity sounds very sexual? The Father, the Son, and the Spirit are “in constant movement in a circle that implies intimacy, equality, unity yet distinction, and love.”1 The Father, Son, and Spirit are united in joy, love, harmony, laughter, mutual support, and mutual delight. The Father gives himself fully to the Son. The Son gives himself fully to the Spirit. The Spirit gives himself fully to the Father and the Son. The Father is in the Son. The Son is in the Father. The Son is in the Spirit. The Spirit fills the Son. They are united in intimacy and love.

Our diverse humanity represents God. Our diverse and loving church represents the diverse and loving community of the Trinity. And in an amazing and mysterious way, the love of a husband and wife as they live and love and make love – somehow all of this represents the deep intimacy of the Trinity. I know it sounds a little crazy, but sex is an image of the Trinity. What happens in sex gives us a picture of who God is: intimate, unselfish, loving, passionate, giving, joyful, celebrative, encouraging, diverse, and one.


But there is more. Sex still has more to teach us. Sex still has more to represent for us and through us.

There is one book in the Bible that is all about sex and romance. It is called the Song of Songs or Song of Solomon. It’s explicit. I mean seriously; it’s like Biblical porn. It’s this guy and this girl talking about how much they are in love with each other and how much they want each other – physically, sexually. They talk about every aspect of sex. They talk about doing it in the bedroom, on the grass, under the cedar trees, amid the wildflowers, in a borrowed cabin, on her mother’s bed – I am not kidding! They talk about manual stimulation and oral sex. He talks about her eyes, her hair, her teeth, her lips, her cheeks, her neck, her breasts, her belly button, her thighs, her … uh huh, that too! He calls it “a paradise of pomegranates with rare spices” (Song of Songs 4:13).

Is anyone feeling a little uncomfortable right now? You aren’t alone. My seminary professors said the Song of Songs almost didn’t make it into the Bible. It was just too sexual. But finally the ancient Jews decided to keep it in the Bible because they said sex represents God’s relationship with humanity. Did you get that? The most sexually explicit book in the Bible represents God’s love relationship with humanity!

We get the first hint of God’s romance with humanity right there in the garden. In Genesis chapter 3, after Adam and Eve eat the forbidden fruit, God takes a little walk through the garden. In the text, it’s like this is the most natural thing, like God and Adam and Eve usually took these quiet walks together through the garden of Eden at sunset.

We sang an old hymn about this in my church when I was a kid. It sounds pretty romantic when I think about it now.

(1) I come to the garden alone, while the dew is still on the roses.

And the voice I hear, falling on my ear, the Son of God discloses.

And He walks with me, and He talks with me, and He tells me I am his own.

And the joy we share as we tarry there, none other has ever known.

(2) He speaks, and the sound of his voice is so sweet the birds hush their singing,

And the melody that He gave to me within my heart is ringing.

(3) I’d stay in the garden with Him though the night around me is falling,

But he bids me go, through the voice of woe, his voice to me is calling.2


Update the words and the music, and Brittany Spears could make a music video of that!

Romance has always been a key part of humanity’s relationship with God.

In his book, Sex God, Rob Bell explains that when God rescued the Israelites from Egypt, he made the same promises that a Jewish groom makes to a Jewish bride: “I will take you out. I will rescue you. I will redeem you. I will take you to me.” Ancient Jews hearing this story would have known that someone was about to get married.3

After they get out of Egypt, it’s time for the wedding vows. When I got married, my grandpa, the pastor, asked me: “Will you … keep yourself only unto her, forsaking all others, so long as you both shall live?” The Ten Commandments were the wedding vows. Remember, the first commandment: “You must not have any other god but me” (Exodus 20:3). And God said, “You know how I carried you on eagles’ wings and brought you to myself. … You will be my own special treasure [out of] all the peoples on earth” (19:4-5). They were getting married, saying “I do,” covenanting to be in a life-long love relationship.

And the prophets kept talking in terms of marriage. Isaiah says, “Fear not … For your Creator will be your husband” (Isaiah 54:4-5). Through Jeremiah, God says “I loved them as a husband loves his wife” (Jeremiah 31:21). In Ezekiel, God tells a story of when he married and had children with two sisters, and then he explains that the sisters were Samaria and Jerusalem, the two Jewish capitol cities.

Hosea is the classic story of God’s tragic love for Israel. God tells Hosea to marry a prostitute to represent God’s faithful love and Israel’s unfaithfulness. Hosea does, and his prostitute wife leaves him, and God says, “That’s just like Israel.” But then God says to Hosea, “Go and love your wife again, even though she commits adultery with another lover. This will illustrate that the LORD still loves Israel, even though the people have turned to other gods and love to worship them” (Hosea 3:1).

In Ephesians, Paul goes on and on talking about how wives and husbands ought to love each other and how the two are actually “one flesh.” Then, he says, “This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church” (Ephesians 5:32).

In the Jewish culture of Jesus’ time, there were very clear steps for getting married. First, a woman has to “come of age.” Then, her father agrees with a young man’s father on the terms of the marriage. Next, there is an engagement party, and the groom offers the bride a cup of wine to drink. Then, he gives a speech about their future together. Next, the groom goes home to his father’s house and begins adding on an extra room to the house, so that he and is wife can have a place to live. When the groom’s father says that everything is ready, the groom goes to get the bride from her father’s house. Finally, there’s a big parade back to the groom’s father’s house and the wedding celebration begins.4

On the night before Jesus went to the cross, he shared meal with his disciples. He gave them bread to eat, and he offered them a cup of wine to drink. Then, he said: “Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me. There is more than enough room in my Father’s home. If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? When everything is ready, I will come and get you, shoat you will always be with me where I am” (John 14:1-3).

The Bible ends with the wedding celebration: “And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven like a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, ‘Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people’” (Revelation 21:2-3). In the end, God and his people finally come together in total intimacy with nothing holding them back and nothing between them. It’s just God and people and love.

Marriage and sex are symbols of this. Loving commitment and sexual intimacy are signs of God’s deep unstoppable, faithful love for his people. Sex is a symbol of the amazing intimacy and love that God wants with us – total intimacy, total love, total giving, total joy, total commitment.


Most of the time when we Christians talk about sex, we talk about the details and the rules. We talk a little about the do’s and the don’t’s. But really the do’s – like the stuff in Song of Songs – are too explicit and too uncomfortable, so we end up just talking about the don’t’s. Don’t, don’t, don’t. We miss the big picture of how God intended sex as this beautiful symbol of his own character and his loving relationship with humanity. When we miss that big picture, we miss the deep meaning of sex. We miss its significance. We miss its purpose.

Without the big picture, we settle for a smaller, incomplete, individualized view of sex. Sex becomes something for my physical and emotional pleasure only. Don’t get me wrong. The pleasure is an important part of sex. It is important for us as we experience it. It is important for our marriages, and it is important for the symbolism. There is great pleasure and joy in the Trinity and great joy in our relationship with God. But if it’s only about the pleasure, we’re living with a mere fragment of the total picture. If it’s only about the pleasure, we limit sex to such a small part of its potential.

Sex is about the pleasure and the deep bonding and the life-long loving faithfulness and the symbolism. This kind of full meaning calls out our total commitment and demands our deepest passions. Something this meaningful and deep can only come to its fullness in a life-long loving relationship like marriage.

To have sex outside of a life-long loving relationship distorts the symbolism of sex. Sex illustrates God’s deep self-giving within the Trinity and God’s eternal faithfulness to humanity. To have sex without life-long commitment misrepresents God’s undying faithfulness to us. Also, to have sex without that forever commitment misrepresents the relationship to us. When we have sex, our hearts and our bodies are naturally thinking of deep undying commitment. We are presenting that relationship to our hearts and to the other person as a forever relationship. When the relationship is temporary, our hearts are wounded in the process.

On the other hand, to have good sex in a good marriage is healing for our hearts and for our world. There is something about that oneness that is healing for all of us. Somehow, good sex in a good marriage opens us up for a little more of God’s loving presence in our lives.


Let’s finish with a little review. We are all sexual beings. God has made us male or female. This represents God’s internal character. Our sexuality is very good – even if we aren’t actually having sex. Sex is designed to represent the deep love of the Trinity and God’s deep love for humanity. To represent this well, we need good sex in good marriages – life-long love relationships.

God is deeply in love with us. God invites us all into the loving embrace of the Trinity. God is whole-heartedly committed to us.

Today, we will celebrate the Lord’s Supper or communion. Communion means intimate sharing. When we engage in this symbolic act of eating Christ’s body and drinking Christ’s blood, we are symbolizing taking his very life into us. This is deeply romantic. God loves us so much he died to be with us. God is giving his very body and life to us. We are taking God into us. We are being fed and nourished and strengthened by God. The Lord’s Supper is a sign or symbol or sacrament of God’s deep communion with us.

God loves you deeply. God has always loved you. God always will love you. Today, as you eat and drink, think of the God who gives himself fully to share your love. Maybe this will be your first time to celebrate Communion. Maybe this can be your first moment of decision to respond to God’s love. Coming forward to celebrate this sign can be a sign of your acceptance of God’s love and your desire to love God in return. God is inviting us into a love relationship that lasts forever. Will you say, “I do”?

1 George Cladis, Leading the Team-Based Church, (San Francisco, 1999), 4.

2 Austin Miles, “In the Garden,” 1912.

3 Rob Bell, Sex God, (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2007), 131-2.

4 Ibid, 168-9.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Emotional Baggage (Personal Health Series - Week 4)


KNU International English Church
Josh Broward
October 18, 2009

Personal Health Series: Week 4 Emotional Baggage: What Are You Packing?
Genesis 16:1-16 & Luke 15:11-32


We’re starting today with something we haven’t done in a while: audience participation time. I’m tired of doing all the talking, so I want you folks to get more involved. Here’s your question: What did you pack when you came to Cheonan? (If you happen to be one of the few people here born in Cheonan, then maybe you can answer: “What did you pack on your last big trip?”) First, turn to someone nearby and tell them a few things you packed.
….
OK. Now shout out some of your answers. What did you pack when you came to Cheonan?
….

We all packed the normal stuff: clothes, shoes, books, a toothbrush, maybe a computer. But we may have been packing more than we realized.
• Did anyone pack along some bitterness?
• How about some old wounds that just haven’t healed?
• Has anyone discovered deep feelings of unworthiness hiding in your suitcase?
• You might be like me and have a strong hunger for approval in your carry-on.
• Maybe you take resentment with you everywhere you go.

Today is our fourth week in our series on personal health, and we’re talking about emotional baggage. Emotional baggage is all deep down hidden stuff that we rarely see but really affects our lives. It’s like an American Express card. We “don’t leave home without it.”

This may be a bit of a heavy sermon, so maybe we should start on a lighter note. I found a few cartoons about emotional baggage.


Can you imagine the questions at the check-in counter? “Have you left any of your bags unattended? Has anyone unknown to you given you anything to carry? Are you harboring any bitterness or resentment toward your parents? Do you secretly wonder if people really like you or if their just being nice and can’t wait for you to leave?”


Something tells me that’s not going to be a fun vacation.

In the TV drama House M.D., a young man named Carnell returns from a trip to Jamaica to celebrate his graduation from university, but when he gets back he starts having seizures, dizziness, and nausea. House’s team of expert doctors get to work trying to find out what the problem is. They test for all sorts of diseases and problems, but all of their theories are wrong, and Carnell gets sicker and sicker. They get a break when Carnell’s friend (who also went to Jamaica) starts showing similar symptoms. House finally solves the case when he discovers that Carnell had a piece of radioactive metal in his backpack. He and his friend had endured long-term radiation poisoning. It turns out that Carnell’s father had given him a unique piece of metal that he had found in his junk yard business. Junk from Carnell’s loving father was poisoning his life, and no one even knew it.
That’s kind of how it goes with emotional baggage. It’s radioactive. It can kill us from within, and often we don’t even know it’s there. It might be an inherited piece of junk from our parents. It might be a wound from a friend. It might be a voice from a disapproving teacher. It could be almost anything, but it’s there. We all have emotional baggage. It affects us all in different ways at different times, but we all have it.

When I was in university, I had a good friend named Mike. Mike was a pretty good guy. We had fun watching movies and playing all sorts of games together. But Mike was bitter. If I passed him on the way to class, he would usually just grunt. I learned not to say, “Good morning,” to Mike because he would say something like “Not possible. Good and morning don’t belong in the same sentence.”
It was like, everywhere he went, he kind of had this grey cloud hanging over his head. He kind of walked like he was carrying some heavy burden on his back. You know how they say, some people see the glass half-full and some people see the glass half-empty. Well, Mike seemed to see every glass as empty all the time.
I used to wonder why Mike was like that – until I met his Dad. That answered all my questions. Mike’s Dad didn’t have an affirmative bone in his body. No one and nothing were good enough for him. He always seemed to slap down his kids and his wife with his words. He was an authoritarian, and he tolerated no arguments with his opinions. Not a fun guy. 20 years of life with Mike’s Dad created a truck load of bitterness.
I met Mike again several years after college. He was in a new place with new friends, but he had the same old bitterness. He packed it with him wherever he went.

Our Old Testament Lesson tells another story of emotional baggage. Let’s read it now: Genesis 16:1-16.
Abram (Abraham) and Sarai (Sarah) did Hagar wrong. They used her and abused her – quite literally. Somehow, in that desert meeting with God, Hagar seemed to find healing for her emotional wounds. Life wasn’t fair, but at least she knew that God was with her in a special way.
But it seems that Ishmael was never able to find healing. He was treated wrongly at birth, and when Isaac came along, he was treated wrongly again. He carried that resentment with him deep in his heart. God predicted that Ishmael “will be a wild man, as untamed as a wild donkey! He will raise his fist against everyone, and everyone will be against him” (Genesis 16:12).
Ishmael, packed his bags with anger and resentment, and he carried that hostility with him wherever he went. He even passed it on as an inheritance to his children: “Ishmael’s descendants occupied the region from Havilah to Shur …. There they lived in open hostility toward all their relatives” (Genesis 25:18).

Rob Bell tells the story of the woman who gives herself away. She gives herself away to someone who won’t give himself to her. She uses her body to get what she needs. She only knows how to relate to men by making a series of transactions. She wants to be wanted, and the man wants, well, the man wants what lots of men want. So they trade. Essentially, she strikes a deal with men, time and time again.
I have what you want, and you have what I want, so let’s make a deal. I need this, you need that.
She learned at an early age how to negotiate like this. She needs to be loved, to be validated, to be worth something, and she discovers that by giving a little of herself to a boy, she gets what she needs in return. It’s a cycle, a pattern that stays with her for her entire life.
Sex becomes a search. A search for something she is missing. A quest for the unconditional embrace. And so she goes from relationship to relationship, looking for a the solution to the problem she has packed in her bags. This search is about that need.

Jesus told a story about two men with some deep emotional baggage. Our Gospel Lesson for today is Luke 15:11-32.
Jesus doesn’t tell us why the younger brother left. We are left to guess at the emotional baggage that drove him away from home. Maybe he never felt as good or as smart or as responsible as his older brother. There is some dark part of his story that is untold. But he ran and he ran and he ran until he couldn’t run anymore. He tried to numb the pain with wine and women and adventure until he ran out of money to pay for the numbing.
Jesus doesn’t tell us why the older brother is resentful. Maybe he secretly envied the younger brother’s freedom. Maybe he resented being left on the farm to do more and more of the work of management as his father aged. But we know that even in his own home he didn’t feel at home. He viewed himself as a slave of his father with no rights to his own home. His baggage sent him on an inner journey far from his father’s love.
Rob Bell explains it like this:
This is always about that.
And so this guy has a girlfriend, and it has become a joke among his family and friends that the day he loses on girlfriend, he finds another – they actually use the phrase “trade her in” behind his back – which raises the question, Why does he need to have a girl? What is his real need, the one that drive him to need a girl? And if we could get at that, would he not need a girl so much?
And she’s got a coldness in her heart toward her husband, but it’s really about something that happened years before she even met him. …
And they keep having these arguments about things that are so trivial it’s embarrassing. Yesterday, they got into it over how the cars should be parked, and the day before that it had something to do with the phone bill, and before that it was about whose turn it was to take the dog out, and now it’s happening again – they’re in the kitchen debating how a tomato should be properly sliced.
They’ve been living together now for several years, and … they’re at this point in the relationship where issues like trust and commitment and future and kids and marriage are starting to linger in their mind and hearts, and underneath it all they both have this question: “Are you the one?” But neither of them has actually voiced it, and both of them experienced their parents’ divorce at a young age, so any time the subject of marriage comes up, things get confusing and tense very quickly, and so they’re just at this moment realizing that this argument really has nothing to do with how to slice a tomato.
Because this is really about that.
It’s always about something else.
Something deeper. Something behind it all. … To make sense of the one, we have to explore the other.

This is always about that. Mike’s bitterness … Ishmael’s anger … the woman’s giving herself away … the younger brother’s partying … the elder brother’s resentment … the couple’s arguing. This is about that. There is something deeper going on here. This is the emotional baggage talking. This is that radioactive pain poisoning our lives. This is about that deeper need that has never been met. There are wounds farther back, deeper down, driving us to act in ways that only bring on more pain and more wounds.

So what is the cure? How do we unpack our emotional bags? How do we find healing for those hurts that are so deep we hardly know they are there?
The first step is honesty. We cannot change or heal what we do not acknowledge. Usually, we can’t heal it if we can’t see it. The first step is seeing and naming the pain.
The second step is forgiveness. We need to forgive the people who have hurt us. Even if they are dead. Even if they don’t deserve it. Even if they don’t even know that they hurt us. We need to forgive so that we can move on. We also need to forgive ourselves. Even if we should have known better. Even if it wasn’t our fault. Even if it was our fault. We need to forgive so that we can move on.
The last and deepest step is love. Like the younger son and the elder brother, we need to come home. We need to come home to our Father’s loving embrace. We need to go to that deepest, darkest part of our hearts, where we hurt the most, and let the Father love us there – even there. This step is the hardest, and it takes the most work.
Really, we cycle back through all three steps, and each time, we dig out a little more old baggage and let God love us a little more deeply. For many of us, we will need the help of a counselor, a small group, and trusted friends to make this journey of healing. And it takes a constant discipline to stay connected to the deep love of the Father, so that we can live out his love instead of out of our baggage. But it is worth it. It is soooo worth it.

In the book of John, Jesus enters Jerusalem, and he meets a sick man sitting by a fountain. And Jesus asks him, “Do you want to get well?” I’ve always thought that was a strange question. Who is sick and doesn’t want to get well? But if we think about it, that really does happen – especially with emotional health. Sometimes, we would rather have our baggage than be free of it. Sometimes, we would rather have the pain than the healing. Sometimes, the idea of digging up all those past wounds sounds too scary and too painful, so we decide to just keep walking with the pain packed on our backs looking for someone to love us or to hate us, just so that we don’t have to change.
So Jesus’ question is for all of us: “Do you want to get well?” Do you want to get well?
In the story of the prodigal son and the elder brother, Jesus doesn’t tell us what happens next. He doesn’t tell us if the younger son finds healing for his inner wounds so that he can accept the Father’s love and become a responsible adult. Jesus doesn’t tell us if the older son gives up his resentment so that he can come inside and join the celebration and the healing of his family. Maybe Jesus doesn’t tell us because he wants us to choose. Do you want to get well?

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Firsts Following Firsts (Annual Report 2009)


This fall we are 15 years old. (So how old are we in Korean years?) To get a feeling for how much we've grown, I thought it might be fun for us to look at some of our previous “firsts.”

  • The first baby born in our church (Jenny Mitchel's daughter 2001). (The next baby was Esther Kim in 2006.)

  • The first Advisory Council was elected in 2003. For our first 8 years before that, we were just a hodge-podge group that worshiped together.

  • Our first mission trip (Indonesia, 2004). We are now planning our fourth, and we're hoping to do one every year.

  • Our first year with regular heat in the winter (2005). That may not seem like such a big deal, but it's easier to worship when you don't have to wear gloves and a hat just to stay warm!

  • Our first store room – a tiny janitors closet, which we were forced to get because we bought a drum set (2005).

  • Our first assistant pastor - Hoom Jeong (2005)

  • Our first big attendance day: 79 (2005). We were really excited about 79 people back then!

  • More than 50% of our regular attenders from outside the KNU community (2005)

  • First after church snack time – started just once a month (2005). I remember our fellowship team feeling really concerned about trying to do it every week.

  • First website – a free blog that Susan Kim set up for us (2005)

  • First church members to get married (Mark and Naomi, 2005)

  • First baptisms (2006)

  • First time to have organized children and youth activities (2006)

  • First time worshiping in Patch Hall and at a “normal” time (2006). Before this, our worship services began bright and early at 9 a.m.

  • First time to have more than one Korean on the Advisory Council (2006)

  • First time to have more than one returning Advisory Council member (2007)

  • First time to take in members and to be an official Church of the Nazarene (2007)

  • First church soccer team (2007)


Those were big moments for our church, but we are still growing and changing. We've added some new firsts this year.

  • This was the first time since we've had more than one pastor that we've kept the same team for a whole year.

  • This was our first year with a full-time pastor.

  • First year with average attendance over 100. This was also our first year when we didn't empty out over the summer. We actually averaged more than 100 during the summer months also.

  • We also had our first church funeral. We said goodbye to SoYoung. That was incredibly painful, but I think somehow our community matured through that process.

  • This year we also had our first Korean KNU professor and staff member become members.

  • We formed our first Long-Term Partnership. (Ron and Amanda will talk more about this later.)

  • For the first time ever, we had four women pregnant at the same time. What's in the water at the snack table anyway?

  • We had our first church soccer team win! (I'm very excited about that.)

  • Our Christian Education Team did a very good job in hosting our first workshops and seminars.

  • We developed our first welcome packets for people new to Cheonan.

  • And for the first time ever, we have a church budget before starting the next church year (2009-10). Way to go, Hal and Wiekie!


When I turned 15, I entered a whole new stage of life. I entered high school, and I felt God calling me to be a preacher. During high school, I began to become more of a man and less of a boy. I took more and more responsibility for myself. I slowly became a leader in school, in the church, and on my football team. I started to have real girlfriends, and we began to talk in terms of “love” instead of “like.” And one of the things I was most excited about – I learned to drive!

But turning 15 and growing up wasn't all fun and games. I also had a lot of conflict with my parents. I fought for my independence, and my mom fought to keep her little boy. I had to deal with new kinds of peer pressure and temptations. Eventually, I had to cope with the very strange reality that other people liked me. (This had something to do with me learning how not to be a jerk!) I also got lots of acne and a crackly voice, and I had to make big decisions like where to go to university and what to study.


What will it mean for us as we turn 15? In some ways, it really is like we are entering high school. We have learned the basic lessons about being a church. Now, it's time for us to move on to some of the more advanced subjects. We are called to be a loving community that changes our world, and it's time for us to “grow up” into that calling. We may find ourselves in the new position of being leaders in the international community of Cheonan. We are learning to take responsibility for ourselves, and part of that will probably include investing more money in our facilities in one way or another.

We'll have some fun times as we grow into our vision.

  • Many of us are really looking forward to starting our Long-Term Partnership with Bangladesh.

  • Our music team keeps getting better and better, and I know SuJin has some great plans to solidify the team next year.

  • We're working on revamping our website.

  • We are really learning how to be a multicultural community, and Matt wants to focus on helping us learn how to take care of each other and new people.

  • We'll be asking you to get more involved in small groups and service roles. (One of our priority goals is to increase total participation in service and groups by 20 percentage points.)

  • Samuel is developing our ministry to university students, and he'll need your help.

  • A whole team of leaders is starting a thriving youth ministry (one of our priority goals for the year), and that promises to be both fun and enriching for our church.

  • We'll probably have a lot more babies!

  • We might even be able to get a few more people married.

  • But one of our top priorities this year is investing in you as leaders. As we learn to have lots of people leading – not just me, that will take us to all kinds of new and fun places.



But growing up is never easy. There are always decisions and conflicts.

  • We are beginning to grow too large for one worship service. This is one of our Big Questions for the year, and our Worship Planning Team will spend time studying our options for a second worship service.

  • Over the next several months, our Advisory Council will spend a lot of time thinking, praying, and talking about another of our Big Questions - our relationship with KNU. Defining this relationship will be a huge step for our church.

  • And we'll probably have occasional conflicts within our church. There are two rules of church life. 1) You can't have growth without change. 2) You can't have change without conflict. We are learning how to handle conflict in healthy ways, but we're going to have to keep learning as we keep growing. Don't be surprised when conflict comes. Expect it. Name it. Talk about it. Be direct and honest and humble. We'll get through it. We always do.



This has been a good year – one of the best years in the history of our church. But I think all of us here expect us to just keep getting better and better. When we look back at some of our “old” firsts, they seem kind of funny because we have grown so much beyond them now. But know this: God continues to bless us and to grow us, and we have not reached the end of our “firsts.” We will have many new firsts.

There is an outdoor gear company called North Face, and sometimes I see people walking around town with a t-shirt with their motto: “Never stop exploring.” I like that. Never stop exploring.

In some ways, that is our calling for this next year. Yes, God has blessed us. Yes, we have grown to new levels of stability and size and successful programs. But we aren't finished. Never stop exploring. Never stop growing. Never stop searching for how God wants to use us more, how God wants to bless us more, how we can do what we do better, and how we can do new things. Never stop exploring. If we remain hungry for God and hungry for God's mission, then God will continue to bless us, and the firsts will never stop. Our church story will be one long story of firsts following firsts.

Culture Shock (Personal Health Series: Week 3)


KNU International English Church

Josh Broward

October 11, 2009

Personal Health Series: Week 3

Culture Shock

Surviving, Thriving, and Helping

Acts 15:1-29, Psalm 137, John 1:1-3, 10-11


<<Culture Shock Video>>


Everyone gets culture shock. It's normal. It's healthy. It's unavoidable. It's also funny and annoying and depressing and depleting and confusing and sneaky. (Sometimes you are having culture shock even when you don't realize it.) Here in this church, we are blessed or cursed with more culture shock than the average community.

The Bible often deals with themes of culture shock. When the Israelites left Egypt, they complained, “We remember the fish we used to eat for free in Egypt. And we had all the cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions, and garlic we wanted. But now our appetites are gone. All we ever see is this manna!” (Numbers 11:5-6). One of my friends is an engineering executive at a Korean company here in Cheonan. He told me when he sends his Korean engineers to England for training, they pack one suitcase with clothes and one suitcase with ramyeon! Food has always been part of culture shock.

When the leaders of Israel were captured and taken into exile in Babylon, they wrested with culture shock, and they were tempted toward isolation. But God sent them a message through Jeremiah: “Build homes, and plan to stay. Plant gardens, and eat the food they produce. Marry and have children. ... Multiply! Do not dwindle away! And work for the peace and prosperity of the city where I sent you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, for its welfare will determine your welfare” (Jeremiah 29:4-7).

But culture shock isn't always pretty. That same group in Babyon recorded a violent and bitter prayer in Psalm 137:

1Beside the rivers of Babylon, we sat and wept
as we thought of Jerusalem
2 We put away our harps,
hanging them on the branches of poplar trees.
3 For our captors demanded a song from us.
Our tormentors insisted on a joyful hymn:
“Sing us one of those songs of Jerusalem!”
4 But how can we sing the songs of the Lord
while in a pagan land?

5 If I forget you, O Jerusalem,
let my right hand forget how to play the harp.
6 May my tongue stick to the roof of my mouth
if I fail to remember you,
if I don’t make Jerusalem my greatest joy.

7 O Lord, remember what the Edomites did
on the day the armies of Babylon captured Jerusalem.
“Destroy it!” they yelled.
“Level it to the ground!”
8 O Babylon, you will be destroyed.
Happy is the one who pays you back
for what you have done to us.
9 Happy is the one who takes your babies
and smashes them against the rocks!


Culture shoooooock! Not all of our prayers and feelings need to have happy endings. Culture shock is tough. It's real, and it strikes to our hearts.

But perhaps we can be encouraged that even Jesus experienced culture shock. Remember how John described Jesus:

In the beginning the Word already existed. The Word was with God, and the Word was God. … God created everything through him ... He came into the very world he created, but the world didn’t recognize him. He came to his own people, and even they rejected him. (John 1:1-3, 10-11)

It was his world and his people, and they still rejected him. At one point, Jesus shouts out loud: “You faithless and corrupt people! How long must I be with you? How long must I put up with you?” (Matthew 17:17). In other words, “When can I go back home where people do things the right way?!”

But maybe there isn't one right way to do most things. Remember our reading from Acts 15. As the church started to grow and spread around the Middle East, Gentiles (non-Jews) started to become Christians. Culture shock! Some of the Jews were upset about this, and they argued that all of the Gentile Christians had to become Jewish. They said all Christians have to accept Jewish culture. They said there is only one Christian culture – the Jewish one – and all other ways of doing life and religion are wrong. This was essentially a debate about mono-culturalism versus multiculturalism. Multiculturalism won! Following the leading of the Holy Spirit, that early group of Christian leaders decided that there is more than one way to do things, even important things like following Jesus.

A HUGE part of our adaptation in the culture shock process is coming to terms with this. There is more than one way to do most things, and even though my culture's way of doing things seems obviously right to me. It may not be right for everyone or the only right way.

In fact, here's something I've learned after five years in Korea. Some of the things that drive me crazy about Korean culture are strengths if seen from a different perspective. For example, Koreans tend to make plans quickly and to change plans quickly. As a Westerner, I really value long-term, stable planning. But I have also learned that this Korean flexibility (which drives me crazy) is also one of the key strengths which has allowed Korea to grow so quickly and to adapt so well to a rapidly changing global environment.

Years ago, when I was a high school student, I went on a mission trip to Mexico. Howard Culbertson taught us to change our vocabulary when we are experiencing culture shock. Don't say: “That's crazy! That's just stupid! That's weird!” When we talk like that, we reveal our own ignorance and arrogance. Instead, learn to say: “That's different.” Let's all practice together: “That's different.”


Let's pause for a few minutes to look at the normal process for culture shock when we move to a new culture. Culture shock normally moves in a predictable pattern. As we go, I'll describe how a new Westerner often feels in Korea.

Stage 1: The Honeymoon Period. This is the stage when everything is new and beautiful and wonderful. You are soooo excited about your new adventure in a new culture. Everything is cute. Isn't it cute how the little kids ask if you are an American? Aren't those little ladies selling things on the street just so cute? It makes me want to buy every vegetable they have! I love how the lady in the store just keeps talking to me. I don't understand anything she's saying, but I bought the soap she was selling because she was just so cute!

This stage usually lasts between two weeks and three months. For me, it lasted about 12 hours. After a hot night with no AC and community loudspeakers at 6 a.m., the honeymoon was pretty much over for me.


Stage 2: Frustration. Eventually things aren't so cute any more. Why does everyone ask me if I'm American? I'm Canadian, OK?! You want to keep pointing? I've got a finger I can point, too! I feel sad for those grandmas selling vegetables on the street. I hate when that lady at the store keeps talking and talking and talking. Doesn't she know I can't understand her? Just let me pick my own soap already!

It may be helpful here to remember that some of the frustrations we are experiencing are not because of Korean culture. We would have the same or similar struggles in any culture. Also, part of the frustration is related to change not culture: new job, new home, new friends, new food, new modes of transportation. That's a whole lot of change, and it can be really hard.

This is the hardest stage of culture shock. We can feel homesick, depressed, angry, and helpless. This stage can last anywhere from three months to one year. Some people go home while they are still in frustration mode.


Stage 3: Transition. You start to learn some things that are helpful. Maybe you actually start studying Korean, so you can say more than “Anyanghaseo” and “Kamsahamnida.” You can actually use chopsticks without dropping your food all over your shirt. You learn how to make the Cost-co runs to get familiar food. When the kids look at me in shock and say, “Waygookin,” I point back and say, “Hangookin!” Instead of moving awkardly past the lady selling the laundry detergent, now Chris stops and chats and tries to get her phone number. I remember the first time we ordered pizza over the phone. It was a huge victory!

The key point at this stage is regaining hope. The transition period usually lasts one to three months.


Stage 4: New Balance. After a while, you start to get adjusted. You kind of find your rhythm in a new place, living in a new way. You feel less out of place. You find a few groups or communities where you really belong. And amazingly, your focus begins to shift away from culture shock and culture and on to just living regular life.

This is the best and easiest stage, but some people never get here. Some people just give up and go home. Some people isolate and form a ghetto culture within Korea. All their friends are foreigners. All their food is foreign food. Sure they work with Koreans, but once they are done teaching, it's like they live on a different planet, and all interactions with Koreans are unfortunate necessities. This is really sad. People who don't get to this stage miss out on so many good experiences and good people. They never really see Korea.


Stage 5: Re-entry Shock. You thought we were done, right? Nope. When we go home, we have culture-shock in our own culture. Home isn't the same any more – or at least it's not the same for us. Maybe new buildings have gone up in your favorite park. Or maybe nothing has changed, and that seems incredibly boring.

Once I asked a Korean KNU worker to help me at the ATM, and she said she didn't know how to work them either. She had just come back to Korea after 15-20 years abroad, and they didn't have ATMs here when she left.

A few years ago, Sarah and I walked up and down the aisles of a small country grocery store in Iowa – just counting the different kinds of cereal. I lost count somewhere after 70!

Some people feel a great sense of surprise and betrayal when they go “home.” Other people feel deeply out of place returning to people who have not had the same life-changing experiences.


Let's review. Honeymoon (fun and cute). Frustration (difficulty and homesickness). Transition (learning and hope). New Balance (adjustment). Re-entry. (Going home is harder than you think.)

By the way, we can still experience culture shock even if we never leave our home culture. When people from other cultures come to us, we also experience culture shock, but it doesn't always follow the same pattern. It's not as intensive. It's a bit here and a bit there, but not all at once.


So how do we go through culture shock well? I'll start with a few tips for the foreigners, and then I'll give some tips for our Koreans.

To deal with culture shock well, we need a few basic strategies.

  1. Learn. Become a student again. Learn all you can about Korean culture, and learn the basics of Korean language. At least – AT LEAST – learn how to read the letters. This will help tremendously with culture shock.

  2. Balance. Do those healthy habits we talked about a few weeks ago: Sleep, Exercise, and Eating. They really make a difference. Also, stay productive. Too much free time becomes more of a curse than a blessing.

  3. Community. Build friendships. Get in a small group. Ask someone to hold you accountable for being healthy and faithful. Avoid isolation at all costs.

  4. Home. Figure out a good way to communicate with your family and friends. Learn how to get the foods that are really important to you. Put up some photos of home, and don't go too, too long without a visit.

  5. Invite God in. Let this be whole culture shock thing be part of your spiritual journey. Pray your questions and frustrations. Allow God to challenge you and to reveal where you may be wrong.

  6. Patience. Have patience with yourself. You are human too. Have patience with Korea and Koreans. Have patience with the other foreigners. They are going through culture shock, too.


OK, now a few tips for our Korean folks (and maybe for some of our long-term foreigners). We have an obligation to help the new folks cope with culture shock. As God's people we have a special obligation to foreigners. When Moses was teaching the people how to live in the land, he said: God “shows love to the foreigners living among you, giving them food and clothing. So you, too, must show love to foreigners, for you yourselves were once foreigners in the land of Egypt” (Deuteronomy 10:18-19).

Most of our Koreans here have lived abroad or traveled to other countries. Remember what it's like to be new. Remember what it's like to be different. Remember those people who helped you, or remember how you wished someone would help you. Now, it's your turn. It's our turn. Let's be a community of healing and grace. Let's the kind of church and the kind of people who help other feel welcomed and loved in Korea.

Maybe you'll start a Korean language class after church on Sundays. Maybe you'll invite a few new people out to lunch every Sunday. Maybe you'll pick one or two new people and make a special point to become their friends. Maybe you'll help Matt and our Outreach and Publicity Team keep developing our Welcome Packet for new foreigners. Maybe you'll go to the doctor with someone, or volunteer for translation help by phone. Maybe you'll take a foreigner with you when your family goes on vacation. Maybe you'll offer to drive a few folks to Cost-co. There are many ways to help. The main thing is to become a friend and to welcome them into your life.


Culture shock is real and unavoidable. Culture shock can tear us up and spit us out. Culture shock can sometimes cause serious problems in our church and in our work places. But we can get through it. If we address culture shock directly, if we learn together, if we are patient and loving and caring, we will find that culture shock can be something that leads to a kind of healing and growth and depth and community that is not available any other way. We can really become a loving community that changes our world!